By Lisa Hashem
Introduction
The following article discusses the mahr. There have been many discussions amongst single Muslims and Muslim families in the United States today on this topic. Several factors should be considered in implementing and understanding the ideas below. First, many Muslims follow an individual madhab and that should be considered in reading the article below. Second, communicating with your local Imam will give you a sense of practices within your local Muslim community as well as what other new couples are doing to address the mahr agreed upon by the time of the signing of the Nikah (such as: legal agreement of an Islamic marriage) contract. Third, my communications with the respected Dr. Monzer Kahf [monzer.kahf.com], an Islamic finance scholar who lived many years in the United States are taken into consideration while writing this article as well as my discussions with Muslim sisters and brothers in the United States. The well-respected Dr. Yaqub Mirza has also provided valuable comments and review to this article. Fourth, the household expense responsibilities, pre-nuptials/post-nuptials, cultural norms of particular ethnic groups, and a woman working or not working during the marriage is not discussed in this article.
The mahr is mentioned in the Holy Qur’an in Chapter 4 ->Surah Nisaa (The Woman), Ayah (Verse) 4: Give women (your wives) their mahr with a full grant (in good faith). If they (your wives) give you a part of it (if they reduce the amount with good heart) of their own accord, then partake of it (you may accept the reduction) with welcome and happiness (you will not be sinning by accepting it). [English translation from: Quraan Made Easy-Zam Zam Publishers published in 2004].
The mahr is a right of a wife in Islam. It is a symbol of honor and respect. It is a sign that a husband is ready to carry the responsibilities as Ameer of the household. Shar’iah does not stipulate what the amount of mahr should be for women. We have many examples from the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his companions of what some mahr amounts were. Below are some examples:
Abu Dawood (2125) and al-Nasaa’i (3375) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Ali said: “I married Faatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, let me go ahead with the marriage.’ He said: ‘Give her something.’ I said: ‘I do not have anything.’ He said: ‘Where is your Hutami shield?’ I said, ‘I have it with me.’ He said, ‘Give it to her.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i, 3160.
This was the mahr of Faatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), the leader of the women of Paradise.
The minimum amount of mahr has been explained in the report in al-Saheeh (no. 1425) narrated from Sahl ibn Sa’d al-Saa’idi, who said: “A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, I have come to give myself (in marriage) to you.’ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) looked at her and looked her up and down, then the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) lowered his head and paused. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her, she sat down. A man from among the Sahaabah said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, if you are not interested in her, then marry her to me.’ He said, ‘Do you have anything?’ He said, ‘No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah.’ He said, ‘Go to your people and see if you can find anything.’ So the man went, then he came back and said, ‘No, by Allah, I could not find anything.’ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘Look and see (if you can find anything), even if it is only an iron ring which you can give.’ So he went, then came back, and said, ‘No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah, not even an iron ring. But (I have) this izaar (garment) of mine, she can have half of it.’ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘What can she do with your izaar? If you are wearing it she will have nothing of it.’ The man sat down, then after a long time had passed, he got up (to leave). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) saw him leaving and called him. When he came, he said, ‘What do you know of the Qur’aan?’ He said, ‘Soorah Such-and-such and Soorah Such-and-such.’ He said, ‘Do you know them by heart?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then go, you are married to her by what you know of the Qur’aan.’”
And he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.
Discussions during the courting phase
The discussion of the mahr may take place during the courting phase between the man and the woman and if they elect a third party or parties to conduct the conversation to come to an understanding and/or an agreement that is okay. Traditionally, the mahr amount was discussed between the woman and her wali (such as: her father or guardian) to present to the husband. I do recommend a woman to consider the financial situation of the man she is talking to for the sake of marriage. In this day and age, student loan debt and credit card debt has crippled the chances of individuals from buying homes and living a regular, middle-class lifestyle. The high interest rates on these debts have prevented many individuals and families seeking home ownership in the United States as well as building wealth. It’s so important to be transparent about these important financial matters because high debt can affect the lifestyle choices you make. For example: buying a single-family home or renting an apartment. Also, mahr can be postponed and paid after the Nikah. As long as it’s distributed at time of death or divorce (whichever comes first) [Reference: Dr. Kahf]. Individuals seeking marriage and talking about finances need to do a financial audit and have their numbers ready for sharing and conducting this in a manner where each party has privacy over their financial numbers and these matters are not gossiped about or shared with others.
There can be negotiation between both man and woman to come to an agreed amount. Specific details of the mahr should be noted in written form, such as noted on the Nikah contract before signing. Some examples of mahr in the United States: lump sum cash payment, down payment for a home, a ring, jewelry, spousal IRA for a wife that is not employed, investment account(s), travelling to another country, etc. Typically, many couples agree to a small sum paid upfront of an agreed amount at the time of the signing of the Nikah contract and the rest of the amount paid during the marriage. The unpaid mahr amount is considered a debt on the husband [Reference: Dr. Kahf].
Consider the following hadith: This hadith was narrated by al-Bukhaari (4802) and Muslim (1466) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
The mahr can be influenced by these factors noted above but there is not quantification as to what amount the mahr should be based on these factors. Further, situations that women may find themselves in, such as: being single and a virgin, being divorced with or without children, from a wealthy family or from a low-income family do not have any Islamic bearing into what the mahr amount should be [Reference: Dr. Kahf].
Consider verse 27 in Chapter 28: Surah Al-Qasas (The Story) of the Holy Qur’an noting the quantification of the dowry paid by Prophet Musa (peace be upon him): The old man proposed, “I wish to marry one of these two daughters of mine to you, provided that you stay in my service for eight years. If you complete ten, it will be a favor from you, but I do not wish to make it difficult for you. Allah willing, you will find me an agreeable man.” [English translation from Quran.com]. Note: The mahr of Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) is a savings of eight years [Reference: Dr. Kahf].
In regards to the mahr given by the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), consider this hadith: Abu Salama b. ‘Abd al-Rahman reported: I asked ‘A’isha, the wife of Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ): What is the amount of mahr of Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)? She said: It was twelve ‘uqiyas (historical unit of weight that varies between regions and often used in Islamic texts; a multiple of 40 of a dirham [Reference: Oxford Encyclopedia of Islam and Law]) and one nash (historical unit of weight that is often used in Islamic texts; a multiple of 20 of a dirham [Reference: Oxford Encyclopedia of Islam and Law]). She said: Do you know what is al-nash? I said: No. She said: It is half of uqiya, and it amounts to five hundred dirhams, and that was the mahr given by Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) to his wives. [Sahih Muslim 1426].
Also, consider the quantification of mahr in the following hadith: Anas bin Malik narrated: `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf married a woman and gave her gold equal to the weight of a date stone (as Mahr). When the Prophet (ﷺ) noticed the signs of cheerfulness of the marriage (on his face) and asked him about it, he said, “I have married a woman and gave (her) gold equal to a date stone in weight (as Mahr). [Sahih al-Bukhari 5148]. Note: The mahr of ‘Abdur Rahman bin ‘Auf (upon migrating to Madina and he was still poor) was about 2-3 grams of gold [Reference: Dr. Kahf]. 3 grams of gold as of today is roughly $180 USD.
Another subject matter that may not be discussed enough before marriage, is the responsibility and expenses of taking care of one’s parents either now or in the future. Both man and woman may have these responsibilities and even if one’s parents are healthy at the time of the Nikah, different circumstances may come up in the future. For example: a parent may have a significant illness that would prevent them from working or a death of a parent leaving the other parent alone. A plan from both individuals needs to be addressed during the courting phase as to how involved one will be in taking care of elderly parents and/or siblings. The reality is, the care-giving will come with a significant cost and that may be factored in on what amount of mahr to agree upon.
There has been a lot of talk or speculation on high mahr amounts. Extremely high requests of mahr that are agreed to by the man may lead to financial resentment during the marriage because of the high debt that has to be paid. This resentment can prompt dislike of a husband towards his wife and ill treatment. Before agreeing to the paying of this amount, the man must take his finances in consideration and explain in detail to the woman what he can afford and what he can’t. He may receive a higher income later in life due to education or promotions on the job, however, nothing is guaranteed in the future. Voicing his concern is necessary and the woman should take that into consideration. I do think this is very important to note and both parties need to be understanding of this in their discussions.
Conclusion
Different madhabs may have differing rulings when it comes to the mahr and how it is handled upon divorce. It is important to get the advice of an Islamic scholar or scholar(s) that both parties agree upon because typically divorce lawyers do not understand Shar’iah law. Shar’iah law is also not upheld in the United States court system. However, contracts agreed upon by both parties can be upheld in court [Reference: Dr. Yaqub Mirza].
I hope this article is useful in discussing the mahr during the courting phase and/or as an educational reference for teaching the parts of an Islamic marriage. It is not meant to be all encompassing of the rulings regarding an Islamic marriage between man and woman. It is an opinion piece backed by Qur’an, hadith, scholarly opinions, and discussions amongst Muslims.
May Allah (swt) accept this article to bring clarity and good for those seeking marriage. Please make du’aa for the author of this article and her family. Any good of this content is from Allah (swt) and to Him be due all Praise. Any human error there is, I am responsible for and I ask that you forgive me and correct me to make matters right.
-Author: Lisa Hashem
Hashem Consulting LLC. April 20, 2022. Last updated: May 5, 2022.
© 2022 Lisa Hashem. All rights reserved.